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I PROMISE!

Published on 4th May 2018

This isn't a rant! I promise..

It has been one of the most confusing summers of my entire existence, but in many ways I always seemed like the happiest with my group of friends. I give a genuine and fake laugh, just to hide these tears and growing anxiety attacks lately.

I am great! I promise.. 

Well my friends have never asked, I just answer the questions to my inner voice. I wish they would ask though, nah just kidding! I wish and hope they wouldn't. I alone know my struggles and fears, suffered abuse but not totally broken. Well maybe a little broken, but I am not searching for a saviour, I am perfectly damaged for myself and I get it.

I am great! I promise..

He said that 5weeks into the situationship, he lied. I am not mad, just disappointed I allowed myself to open up to a more incapable fellow. Who wasn't ready to handle real life problems, or an already non shiny, outer appearance looking ass. Sorry not ass, I meant person. 

I am great! I promise..

Sometimes I compare myself to Meredith Grey on Greys Anatomy, I totally love her though. Her character defines a strong independent woman, who might be a little damaged here and there. But the strongest amongst her peers. But am I worth it? worth saving like Meredith? I mean.. I know I am, but how do I go about asking for help? You know, like stretching out those hands first and admitting my anxiety isn't as mellow as I cover it up to be.

I listened while she sipped on an undiluted glass of Vodka, "I promise You're not alone", I replied.



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